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In January, the School of Medicine’s Office of Faculty Development hosted Pam Somers, MSOD, LCSW-C, an organization development consultant, to lead a workshop for the Department of Medicine’s Faculty Development Academy on crucial conversations, those where strong emotions are present, when stakes feel high and when there are opposing opinions.
Based on the book “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High,” by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan and Al Switzler, the workshop gave participates hands-on practice preparing for and having crucial conversations.
These conversations, for example, could be between a division chief and faculty member about issues such as career tracks, raises, on-call schedule, and protected time or between a program director with a resident, team or staff member who is not meeting job expectations, Somers said.
Somers asked workshop participants how they have dealt with these situations in the past and how would they handle them differently?
Somers had participants identify how they react to stress so they can learn not to be overwhelmed or to shut down or go on attack during a crucial conversation. Instead she encouraged them to approach the conversation with a clear idea of what they want and an ability to listen.
The idea is to create a pool of shared meaning, Somers said, where both sides are listening and communicating their thoughts and demonstrating that the relationship is worth trying to preserve.
[box type="info" icon="none"]Before entering a crucial conversation:
- Know your ideal outcome and consider if it is possible for this to happen.
- Plan what you are going to say.
- Set aside time for the conversation (don’t just pull someone over when you run into them in the hallway or bring it up over email). Schedule a meeting.
- Show mutual respect; be able to say, “I know we may not always see eye to eye, but I have grown to respect your judgment.”
- Be clear about what you want and think about the other person and what their reaction may be. How are you going to talk to the other person and hear and understand what they are thinking and feeling? Try paraphrasing and listening from the other side, and be aware of your behavior and body language.
- Look for a mutual connection where you both want something; using the example of asking for a raise, Somers said one person is looking for more compensation; the manager/division chief wants her/his employee to succeed.